Being Affectionate

relationship-skills

At the top of a man’s list of his basic needs, flashing away like a bright bulb on top a Christmas tree, is his need for sexual fulfilment.  For a  woman, however, her needs for affection must be met before she can give herself permission.  The priorities of a man are different from those of a woman.

The atmosphere between them, no matter how long they’ve been a couple, says “I like you.  I really do love you and I know you love me.  Sex, according to William F. Harley, Jr. is a “special occasion,”  which follows the prelude of affection.

In his l986 book, His Needs, Her Needs, Harley says sex is most passionate when built on a relationship of mutual caring and the skills the couple has met for their very different needs.  Almost all men he reports need tips for being affectionate.

Women like physical closeness: hugging, hand-holding, sitting near each other, notes, cards, gifts, being taken out to dinner, car door being opened for them, efforts on his part to join her on expeditions like shopping.

Habits of the affection man may include: a hug and kiss every night, a kiss before leaving for the day, flowers as a surprise, occasionally a sentimental (not humorous_ card) for special days like Mother’s Day or Valentine’s, spending a little time upon coming home and sharing what’s happened to each of them.

Why is a fiction writer, like me, sharing what essentially could be looked at as a book review about just one chunk of a man and woman’s basic needs?

A woman needs: l) Affection – regularly and often 2) Conversation  3) Honesty and openness  4) financial support  5) Family commitment.

A man needs: l) Sexual fulfilment – his natural feelings of arousal  2)Recreational companion ship  3) an attractive spouse/partner  4) Domestic support  5) Admiration.

No matter what is happening in their lives, affection is not impractical or unnecessary because it achieves a one-spirit unity between a couple.  Most men become aroused easily.  They think women do, too.  However, women have to make a conscious decision to have sex.  For a woman, it is more mental than physical, especially easiest and the most passionate when a path of affection is part of the equation.

Or, as my Mother said at age 90 when we quizzed her about why she hadn’t accepted his proposal of marriage, “I don’t know if he can perform.”

Harley believes even relationships torpedoed by an affair can be towed into dry dock, repaired and refitted to sail further than a previous times if only the man and the woman are willing to meet each others needs.

 

 

 

 

Gone Missing – Ask the Internet

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Sherrel did it. This may work for you, too.

The was a hot day when Sherrel Bradford Rhosdy was out weeding her little garden in Spokane, WA.

Suddenly she looked up when poking around in the fairy roses and cried, “My wedding rings.  They’re gone?  What shall I do?  I can’t find them anywhere?”

Same thing happened to me, only it  was my self-defense tool that’s gone.  It’s something everyone needs to have with them when in the deep, dark woods near the Canadian border.

The information, about little tool I try to remember to have with me at all times, came via an advertisement in my mail.  It said it was the secret to protection from violent assaults without carrying a gun or to taking a martial arts class, a little difficult class to find here because no one teaches such courses, although, like border patrol officers, they may know how, or, should they be former military, they don’t have time to teach a self-defense class because there are so few of us here who might be interested.

My little tool was an important thing to carry.  It was small, but strong enough to break glass in case I’m kidnapped or if I get locked out of house or car.  It goes through airport security, too.

The thing is — it’s a tactical pen — and because it is a pen, these things have a habit of going missing,  Plus, I wouldn’t be as lucky as Sherrel.  I wouldn’t be smart as she is either.  She said, “I went to the Internet.  I found Luke the Ring Finder.  He came over with his metal detector and found my rings.  I was so happy.”

Sherrel’s story had a happy ending.  I wouldn’t be as lucky. If tactical pens go right past airport security, they’d escape the detection of a metal detector.  Besides pens are like sunglasses, who knows where these items go when they go missing.  As one reader told me when I wrote this blog about losing your sunglasses, “I always envision the ones I lose. I picture them on a beach watching the sunset.”

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Calamity at the Canadian Border

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U.S. liberals sneaking over to Canada. Shortages in organic broccoli and Perrier Water now.

I’m watching this dilemma with a sharp eye. I live five miles from the Canadian border in Washington State, alert for such incidents.

It seems liberal Americans are sneaking across into Canada.  Patrol agents are on the alert to stop these illegal immigrants into their country.

They must pass a row of small cities which lay directly across the border before they can head into the Okanagan Valley farming lands.  It’s common now for a farmer to spot a sociology professor, a global warming advocate, and even green energy proponents in their fields.

One farmer came across a tall, skinny, middle-aged man wearing a Hawaiian shirt decorated with palm trees in his barn.  “Can you spare a latte, maybe a breast of a free-range chicken?”  The man left in a hurry not wanting to defend his global warming position.

If border patrol agents catch one, they put them back in their electric car to accompany them back to the U.S. where they must figure out what to do when their battery dies.

“These people are just not ready for our rugged conditions,” said one border patrol lady.  “I found one carload in distress because they had run out of Perrier drinking water, but did have a little wine and kale chips remaining, not enough they said to make a dent in their needs.”

Rumors are that Canadians are telling them, “If you’re caught, you may be sent back once in again in the U.S. to a re-education camp to study the Constitution and to learn how to drink Bud Light beer.”

Canadians report a shortage of organic broccoli, Barbara Streisand C.D’s.  They hear a lot of complaints that they hear only BBC broadcasts and no CNN.

“I really feel for these Americans,” said one Canadian.  “Our Canadian economy just can’t support any more art history or Marine biologists.”

(Author’s note:  I am of Swedish descent, appreciate but can’t write good humor, but wanted to try anyway.  The gist of this message is being passed along in the U.S. where everyone does enjoy starting or ending their day with a little humor.  Maybe it brought a little chuckle for you.)

 

Pluses of an RV Retirement

How to live on the cheap but like a millionaire.

Take your retirement to the open road like the Rileys!

Now this old RV doesn’t look a lick like the RV’s the Rileys drove.  They lived many years as full-timers in a Country Coach, a darling of an RV, not like the vintage one we were driving as pictured above.

No two people were more savvy about how to sell their home and jump into a 35′ RV and go adventuring and live like millionaires, but one with affordability.  For years they  trekked far and wide, sidestepping property taxes, homeowners insurance, house maintenance costs.

After a few years they did purchase a plot along a creek south of Orlando and build a little guest cottage next to their RV pad.  On the road, however, they made many friendships and established a grand RV community of people.  Others never knew this was possible for someone making their home in a roaming RV to have such a grand life style.

We knew many fun people after we met the Rileys.  We started out and ended with them while on a six-week escorted trip through much of Mexico with 23 other folks in RV’s.

The Rileys would host many special gatherings of people they met along the way at their Florida bolt-hole..  Peggy naturally would keep us all in the loop of what was going on in each of our lives through her bubbly e-mails.  They were in frequent contact and visited people from all walks of life in all parts of the U.S.  They even came to the Lazy Bee and we went to Canada to the Fiddle Contest.

When we visited the Rileys in Florida, they gave us a tour of an RV resort where lots sold for over one hundred thousand dollars each.  The vast resort was filled with RVs each coach that cost upwards of a million or more.  Of course, during our travels we loved the more rustic spots like Quartzite, Arizona, where there is no charge by the  Bureau of Land Management to stay here out in the desert with thousands of others in vehicles of every size, shape and description.

Bob was the driver.  He loved seeing new parts of the U.S. and got itchy when they stayed in one place too long.  Finally, like all folks as they grew older and faced stiffer health issues, and found themselves parking their beloved RV for good and moving into a retirement village on the East coast where their cottage has a view of a Japanese garden and bridge.

No boredom, loneliness or loss of freedom for the Rileys when Bob now longer wanted to drive.  Their memories and photos and continuing contacts with the RV community continue to offer richness of life.  Kudos to the Rileys for making a success of retirement in grand fashion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Novel Set in WWII

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WWII novel based on true fact.

The young woman pictured above allows herself to be seduced by the SS officer who takes over her French village.  She is the daughter of the mayor and they must become servants for Major and his officers.

At this time in history, if a woman had a baby out of wedlock, she would be forced to leave the community.  There was no way out, no birth control.  Abortions were running rampant in Germany because so few men remained following the first world war.  This was a horrendous decision twenty years following that war.  She choses it because of her role with the Resistance and her courageous decision to help her country.

Perhaps some readers will be frustrated because this seventeen-year-old girl succumbs so easily to SS major Reinhard Hurst’s advances as the story begins.  A reader by the name of Vicki said, “Here she is, a strong, virgin, mature, level-headed girl, falling so fast for the Major.  However, when I started comparing her to my own teenage daughter and realized that at that age,  the great majority of women are a pendulum of feelings, attitudes, interests, strengths, insecurities, I realized that a traumatic experience, like trying to survive a war could certainly confuse anyone, let alone a young girl who hasn’t experienced life to its fullest.”

The novel takes place in the little village known as Villeponte.  It follows the girl into Bavaria to one of the first Lebensborn homes after she has become pregnant and must leave France.

The next blog shows how a true fact of history became the idea for the novel. So  please return to learn more about the Major and HIS plans for the village and what they are seeking.

U.S. vs Germany

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Photo of a Nazi Soldier is one WWII buffs will recognize.  Similarities between Nazi Germany and what is taking place in the U.S. are of interest especially now because of all the media attention leading up to the upcoming U.S. election coming Nov. 8th.

Comparison of both candidates shows that each of them often confuses truth and falsehood.  They both emphasize their personal power and strong leadership to reflect what they think.  Now, looking back to Nazi Germany, when comparing Hitler to either Hillary or Trump is unfair.  Hitler was evil personified.  Trump, however, like Hitler does resent established elites.  Both Hitler and Trump are firm about restoring the greatness of country.

Both U.S. and Nazi Germany control the media.  Eighty percent in the U.S. is by a few entities.  In Nazi Germany, information was state-controlled.  Information contained only Nazi propaganda.  Residents purchased state-controlled radios.  Access to foreign radio information was punishable.

Both countries outlawed school prayer, Hitler in Germany, the U.S.  Supreme Count banning it in l963.

The Reichstag Government building in Germany burned by German forces led to the passing of the Enabling Act and Decree on the Protection of People and State.  This gave Hitler the pretext to launch a pre-emptive war which eliminated many German civil liberties.  The World Trade Center attacks in 2011 considered to be “inside” jobs led to passing the Patriot Act to the establish Homeland Security Act which reduced citizen civil liberties.

Both developed an internal security system: Germany with Reichssicherheitshauptamt and Schutstaffel, the U.S. with CIA, FBI and Homeland Security.

Both promote globalism, Hillary especially touts it. U.S. globalism has increased by corporations.  However, Hitler was definite in his plan to rule the world. Trump wants less and to protect U.S. borders.

The support of children was strong in Germany.  Hitler, in fact, studied U.S. eugenics while in prison and went further to eliminate what he thought were inferior beings and inferior races such as Jews.  Germany had lost so many men in the WWI and need to increase the number of children being born.  There were many incentives for women to have many children to grow up to fight for Germany.  There were medals and special programs for women having many children.

In late l935, Himmler established the two-part Lebensborn program.  Lebensborn Secrets, a novel about one of those about the breeding of new leaders for the Third Reich is soon to be released by this author.  Meanwhile in the U.S. we have Planned Parenthood, an organization receiving federal air.

The renaming and elimination of holidays and prayer days took place in Germany when Hitler renamed the Christmas school holiday Yuletide and eliminated the Easter School holiday.  In the U.S. there is the renaming of Christmas school holidays to Winter Break and the Easter School holiday to  Spring Break.

Both countries develop an outside military, Germany with Schutzstaffel and the U.S. with Blackwater and other free-lance forces.

An Alternate Massage

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Your invitation for massage in a different way. My personal first impression.

A few days ago I didn’t know about a different type of massage.  A woman called.  “I’m new in the area.  My name is Paula.  I’m a masseuse and am calling because you have a Bed and Breakfast and might know people who might be interested.”

She didn’t leave her phone number.  Thinking about having a massage, I asked around and after a few phone calls I found that she lives on the next road over.  We made arrangements for her to bring her table and come over.

As she was opening her table in the living room in front of a blazing fire in the Blaze King stove, I learned quickly the name of the massage in which she specialized. “You won’t need to undress.  I do this when you are fully clad.  You’re wearing sweats and that’s perfect for what I do.”

“You don’t do massage?” I asked with some hesitation as I was already up on top the table. “Oh, I started out doing Swedish but everyone likes this better.”

She began slowly with gentle, subtle touch.  “I do this to reposition your body to have it self-direct from the inside for the bodies self-healing reflexes.  Most people will feel a positive difference after the first session.  Within four sessions, the majority feel up to 80 to l00 % better.

“Most situations where there’s pain or discomfort, I’m able to give some ease almost immediately.”  She demonstrated her technic.  “Notice my bent hand.  Pretend it’s your rib cage.  Suppose my fingers are the ribs and one is out of alignment,” she said as she gentled pushed one finger forward.

“Unlike practitioners who focus on muscles, using strokes to stretch or by deep pressure soften tensions, or, like chiropractors who do manipulations to bring bones and muscles into correct anatomical alignment bringing changes from the outside, I use gentle movements from the inside to help your body understand and remember its inner wisdom.  Patterns that have become progressively ingrained are disentangled.”

Following two of her one-hour sessions, I sense that my once-upon-a-time easy walking stride is returning.  My right arm, weakened severely when I tripped over barbed wire and fell on a patch of ice, is becoming stronger.  Instead of stretching tense muscles, Paula’s subtle movement may give my body the message that will be enough to unleash and reactive joints and muscles and I’ll be able to play tennis again.

Practitioners need 500 hours of study and practice to be licensed.  Orto-Biometry has been around since the l970’s when it was founded by Arthur-Lincoldn Pauls, D.O.

With a little practice, I may even be able to  property say the name of this type of massage: Orto-Biomentry.  I’m glad I’ve told you about my experience.  You, too, might like to try it.

A New Story Begins

 

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Writers create with words that become stories.  Perhaps we work in the same league as photographers or artists.

The “piece” we create is either read or seen by others.  But who benefits by our efforts?

Who cares if we release what we have created?  I do.  I write to learn, to bring to life characters who will teach me something I unconsciously need to know.

This is especially true now that I’ve begun writing “Ladies of the Ti-Pi,” a story revolving around six country ladies who are Good Samaritans for those facing a difficult time and who need someone to bounce off their ideas or feelings.

At a recent community luncheon, I casually mentioned that I was writing such a story to someone I’d never met before.  She said, “That does sound interesting.”  Another nearby chimed in, “Why that’s just like “The Red Tent,” and she went on to explain that that is a biblical story of when women had conversations during their monthly time in a tent.

Before the second ladies’ innocent comment, the writing of the story of the Ladies was gushing forth, the words tumbling out almost faster than I could write.  What happened to stop this happy time of wondrous writing?

Perhaps I know why.  It’s when I recall what a poetry professor would say to a student who began to tell him something he/she were writing, “Write it!  Don’t tell me.”

Yes, telling can dilute or even stop the process of writing.  Now that I’ve got that all figured out and think I know what stopped the joy of writing, I’m ready again to see what’s happening in the ti-pi, a really juicy time to explore.  (Incidentally, it’s the same kind of ti-pi pictured above that was left behind at the Oliver Ranch by the Casanova Cowboy.  Can’t say more now because his story can’t be released until after my WWII story has been published.)

 

Facebook Protest

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Too much is just too much. Read on.

I must protest.  Facebook asks too much.  Or, is it Facebook friends?  Already I feel bombarded by the increasing numerous diversions of technology.  I’d almost like to find a little cabin in the woods and hide.  But, I can’t.  I’m already living there.

I find that time is NOT my own.  There are too many have-to’s.  The time waster is one I learned about yesterday when driving back from Priest Lake on the radio.  It’s almost unbelievable.  It’s a journey to hell.

Now . . . now.  What can be so shocking, so bad.  It’s now our apparent DUTY to leave a Facebook Legacy, to have a Facebook advocate after death to carry out even more of our last wishes.  That means a streaming record of photos, posts and information should be shared after our death on social media.  STOP!  Life is over, guys. There will be no more REST IN PEACE.  Will our tombstone or ash box carry our Facebook or other chosen media link!

As a practical person, I think that if every person around the world carries out this plan  who is going to have any time at all to work, play, savor, listen, plan or think.

Therefore, my new resolution is to protest this plan.

Must we follow the social media cycles?  Is the new Facebook Legacy a cycle?  I protest. Should the short period of time we each have on earth be to spend it in a way that rarely benefits.   Death is death.  Can’t we leave a legacy of memories?  Without Facebook?

Isn’t a well-written obituary of a life the best end?

 

 

 

 

How to Do the Right Thing

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When starting any day, do the first best thing advises Beverly Greenslade.  That thought probably helped her downsize and move her jam-packed home in Colville, WA., to the Palm Desert area in California with such calm deliberation and ease.

Alexander Green says people are either essentialists or non-essentialists  It’s better to be an essentialist because then you live by choice, not default.  Doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason because you choose to this not that.  An essentialist sees that only a FEW things really matter.

For my artist friend, the talented Gloria de los Santos who just completed the cover art for Lebensborn Secrets, it will be to return home from the hospital to laugh for the last months of her life, dying as she is from a massive brain tumor.  When and if she is able, I hope to share my favorite humorous movie, “Forget Paris.”  Or, perhaps Barbara Thisted who recovers from a stroke, and someone who enjoys telling a good joke, might also enjoy.

An essentialist chooses carefully in order to make maximum contribution to their greatest priority.

Others, the non-essentialists say, “I have to,” believing everything is essential, usually adding something instead of subtracting.  Green warns that those who don’t choose deliberately pursue more and more only never to feel fulfilled as they sacrifice what really matters — time with family and friends, for instance for something in the long run that ends up less — the promotion for example, or accumulating things not needed that have little value.

(Nearly ten percent of American households not only fill their homes and garages but need to rent a storage unit.  That up 65 percent in the last fifteen years.)

Here’s how to know when you are doing the right thing:

l) Decide your best contribution.  What are you particularly good at?  What inspires you?   What are your talents?

2) To achieve what is important, sacrifice what isn’t.  Cut, condense, simplify your daily routine to achieve more by taking out rather than adding more.

LISTENING, PONDERING, SAVORING are good traits of an essentialist.  Give yourself time to do these to increase passion and joy.  I’ll pause today to appreciate the luminosity of the sun upon the land and forest this warm fall day as I send warm thoughts to Gloria and Barbara.