Cheer up by reading directions for your microwave.
Really? Yes, here’s how I learned this important
fact, that viewing directions for an appliance can be downright knee-slapping funny.
It began when the Staples driver came three hours up from Spokane to deliver a new microwave oven. The planets were running amok and nothing was going well this day. Cocktail hour arrived. With a rum and coke, I began reading out loud these incredible directions:
Do not use if there are any dents or holes in the door window. (Did someone actually do this?)
Do not under any circumstances cut or remove the third (ground) prong from the power cord. (They didn’t explain what tool you should not to use to do this.)
Do not attempt to operate this oven with the door open since open-door operation can result in harmful exposure to microwave energy. (How can I write this one without laughing?)
Do not operate the oven empty. The microwave energy will reflect continuously throughout the oven if no food or water is present to absorb energy. (Now there’s a science lesson for you.)
Never use the oven for HOME CANNING. Improperly canned food may spoil and be dangerous to consume. (The manufacturer did put HOME CANNING in capitol letters to insure safety for the consumer.)
Do not boil eggs in their shell. Pressure may build up and the eggs will explode. (Can’t wait to try this one.)
Do not attempt to deep fat fry in your oven. (Would you do this?)
Do not attempt to dry clothes, newspapers or other materials in oven. They may catch on fire. (Wow!)
Saved the best for last:
This may explain how you’ll realize a person is having a bad day: Do not hit or strike the control panel.
These directions actually sound best when read aloud.